This is my most honest post yet. Everything I've ever written on my blog has been completely honest and truthful, but what I'm about to say is something I have never talked about here before.
I quit smoking.
I have been a smoker for many years. I started smoking in high school. Continued through most of University, except for the one year I quit - my second year, I believe. Then, I started again. If you have ever smoked, you'll know it's not the easiest addiction to give up. But I did try.
I quite for a few months before I became pregnant and of course, all throughout my pregnancy. I did not smoke the entire time I was breastfeeding. Then I started to smoke socially again. When I was out for dinner with friends, and drinking a glass of wine, I'd have a cigarette or two. This lead to me having a cigaratte every night before bed, well after my son had gone to sleep.
Again, I quit (obviously) when I was pregnant with my second child. And again, after I stopped breastfeeding, I started socially smoking again. I was not a heavy smoker; maybe a few a day. But still. That is a lot of years of doing some serious damage to my body. (Just want to mention here that I have never smoked anywhere near my children or any other child. For what it's worth, I think people who smoke near their children are in the wrong.)
For someone who is a class-A hypochondriac like I am, it amazes me that I have done this for so long. It doesn't feel good. I feel the effects when I carry my son in my arms up the stairs. I should not be having problems breathing going up the stairs with my child in my arms. I'm a mom of two. How selfish of me to have continued smoking for as long as I have!
At the same time, I will say this - I will miss it. It's been a part of who I am for a long time. I associate smoking with going out and having a good time, the same way some of you may feel about having a glass of wine when you go out. It's hard for me to go out and not think about having a cigarette. I know it is wrong to think this way, to feel this way, but I can't help it. Many of my friends smoke.
I promised myself I would quit by the time I turned 33. That day is almost here. My birthday is September 3rd.
Yesterday, I just stopped smoking. It has not been easy. I have to do this for myself, and especially for my children. I know how bad smoking is - you don't have to remind me of all the terrible things that can happen to you if you smoke. I know. Trust me.
I just wanted to share this with you. And I hope you do not think any differently of me now that you know this.
And oh, yeah - the amount of food I've had today has increased incredibly!