Friday, August 14, 2009

Hurt so good

After having given birth twice, I guess I can say I have experienced one of the worst pains of all. On a 'pain scale', being in labour is pretty much at the top, right?

Luckily for me, and thanks to the epidural, I did not find the act of labour that painful.

Here are things that I think are almost, if not more painful than giving birth:

Brazilian Waxing - Let's face it, this is not fun, no matter how much you get along with the person who is doing this to you. It's almost comical, really, the positions you get in to make sure you're um, well groomed. Seriously, you are so exposed! It's not really a pleasant experience! It's amazing you're able to carry on normal conversations while getting waxed. "So did you see last night's episode of Grey's? Oh, my God... ouch! I mean, really, Mer and Derek in the elevator... ow, ow, ow..."

Getting a tattoo - I can't remember how old I was when I get my tattoo. I'm pretty sure I was in University, though. This was not too painful, although I do remember asking the guy "Are you done yet?" about a dozen times! Speaking of tattoos, I am craving another one. Am I too old to get a second tattoo?

Belly button piercing - I got my belly button pierced after I had my tattoo, and I thought the pain wouldn't be that bad. However, it sucked. I am totally sensitve in my belly button, and I almost passed out when I had this done. I remember the guy putting wet paper towels on my forehead, because he was worried I was actually going to faint on that bed.

Burns in the kitchen - Yes, we all know I suck in the kitchen. But you know what they say about a girl who is not good in the kitchen, right? Right. So, I'm an airhead in the kitchen, and I will either cut myself or burn myself if I'm trying to cook. Once, I was making pizza in the oven, from scratch, thank you very much - and I took the pizza pan out with an oven mitt. I then grabbed the pizza pan with my other hand and realized a few seconds too late that I was only wearing one oven mitt. Can you say burn, baby?

Shopping in high heels - Shopping is my favourite thing to do, besides being with my children. I am in heaven when I'm in a mall. And I tend to shop in nice shoes, because wearing nice shoes make trying on and buying nice clothes more pleasurable, you know? But after a few hours of walking around and trying on clothes, shoes, and make-up, my feet are killing me! Once, shopping in Sherway Gardens in Toronto, I had to literally hold onto the walls of the shopping centre as I made my way back to the parking lot.

Stepping on Lego - It is so important to pick up all the little Lego pieces after the children are finished playing with them because if you step on a piece of Lego, you will be cursing so badly your children will start repeating you and then they'll say these bad words in public, making you look like a really terrible mom. But is there anything else you can do, except scream and yell when you step on a piece of Lego? Oh, my God - the pain!

Burning nose with car lighter - No, this is not something I did in a drunken state in my teenage years. I did this in grade 6. I was in the car, on the way to school, and I pushed in the car lighter for fun. It popped back out. I took it out. Looked at it. It didn't look hot... and for reasons I'll never know, I put it on my nose to see if it was, in fact, hot. It was. I had a burn on my nose that lasted a while and I kid you not - my classmates called me Rudolph. Good times.

Getting an epidural - Hands down, this was the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. Oh, and getting my IV. I hate needles. But the idea of a long needle going in and STAYING in my spine for several hours? Nightmare. It took a long time to get my epidural in with my first pregnancy, and it took even longer - 45 minutes or so - with my second. The contractions were pretty bad to begin with, and having an inexperienced guy stick a needle in my spine 8 times before someone else took over was horrible. I will never forget that feeling of the needle being in my spine. This pain tops everything else. Although it gives instant relief once inserted properly and makes labour way more fun (my sister was singing "Push It" by Salt N' Peppa to me in the delivery room and I was singing along) the idea of getting another epidural is almost reason enough for me to never have another child.

What's high on your list of things that hurt?

24 comments:

CaraBee said...

Honestly, I can't imagine getting a Brazilian wax. I like to keep things tidy, but not even my gyno sees that much of me.

Honestly, I had wanted a natural birth not because I wanted to *experience* birth but because I was afraid of the needle in the spine.
I guess I was lucky, my epidural was completely painless. Best decision I ever made.

Capital Mom said...

Having given birth with no epidural, I would say that power yoga is a close second.

Lady Mama said...

Ahhh I don't think I could do a Brazillian - the bikini line wax was painful enough.

Other painful experiences include stubbing my toe (hate that), having a verruca iced off, various cuts and scrapes... but nothing came close to my last labour experience on the pain scale.

Lara said...

I think I'm lucky in the giving birth department, it was never "THE WORST PAIN EVER!" I mean, I did get an epidural because really, why suffer? But I could have dealt. (Other people seem to have had far more painful and dramatic experiences than I did.)
I had a tooth infection in December of 2007 and was writhing around in bed crying and on as many drugs as I could find with no relief. Nothing has come close to being as painful as that. Seriously. Don't ever get one ;)

Mommy Lisa said...

I had birth with no epidural and it was fine. But I was only in labor for five hours and pushed for twenty minutes, so I am blessed.

The worst pain ever was when I got the shot to "numb" my hand for a IV - do NOT ever fall for that, just get the IV it is less painful.

p.s. I got my second tatoo on my 40th birthday and I am thinking tattoo number three for 45!@

Krystyn said...

I can't even imagine the brazilian wax!

And, I was lucky...I didn't think the epidural hurt that bad!

Burns hurt a lot...and hitting your head on something. That typically hurts a lot, too!

anya said...

I gave birth to a ten pound baby without an epidural, and it was the most agonizing experience of my life. But also the best :).
Close second is stubbing my toe.

Christy said...

Ouch I'm wincing just reading your list Loukia. Labor - far and away the most pain I've ever been in. Getting the epidural was a piece of cake for me though! (after enduring labor waaaaay too long without it - NOT by choice. misery that's what my labor was.)

Stacie's Madness said...

ARE YOU EVER too old to get tatt'd up? Not in my opinion, I got my first at 25 and my last (most likely) just a couple of years ago.

I still haven't gotten my brazilian, I'm gonna have to wait til winter to "grow it out" enough to even get it waxed.

Anastasia said...

I'm pretty sure that I can vouch for my poor Momma giving birth to me as being the worst pain she ever went through -

A. she had a dislocated knee
B. the epidural broke in her back
c. I was a 10lb 7oz baby!!!! WTF??!?

Worst pain I ever went through...I had an infection in the bone structure of my face when I was about 20. My one side blew up so big that it swelled my eye shut and put me in the hospital for three weeks. Doctors had no idea where it came from or how I got it - even after they treated me they still had no idea.

LZ @ My Messy Paradise said...

I've never gotten a Brazilian, but can not imagine anything hurting worse than that...
Lower hip tattoo was pretty awful, belly-button didn't bother me much, but burns? Bad...awful, excrutiating!
Having been in epidural-less labor at 10cm, not by choice!, twice, I think that is the worst. Not because of the pain necessarily, but also the fear. It's scary!
But then again, I guess a needle filled with ink isn't very welcoming either!

Amy said...

Natural birth pretty awful, but there were a lot of variables in my case this last time.

I'm surprised that no one mentioned getting bitten (HARD) while nursing. My 7 month old has five teeth and ohmyword it hurts down to the pit of my stomach when he bites. You can't not scream.

I had to laugh at your Lego reference. I think I have Lego shapes permanently engraved into the bottoms of both feet! Ouch and ouch!

Maria @BOREDmommy said...

Not sure if its pain or the fact that I have no interest in having any of these, but:

Brazilian wax - NO THANK YOU
Tattoo - NOPE
Bellybutton piercing - NOT ON YOUR LIFE

HOWEVER:
Epidural - Yes please, and may I have some more

The wife of bold said...

I have given birth naturally Three times to FOUR babies - but i have yet to have a Brazilian, i don' think i could handle the pain or humiliation :)

Managed Chaos said...

Hands down that would be back labor BEFORE the epidural. Followed closely by a brazilian (let's just say I won't be repeating that "gift" to my husband anytime soon.

And OMG you have a tattoo?!?!? What/where? We need details Loukia!

Shannon @ AnchorMommy said...

I hate needles too, and was terrified to get an epidural (best decision I ever made, however) so I can't believe you were able to get a tattoo and a belly piercing! That's guts. I would pass out if I got either of those, no question.

I'm such a baby when it comes to pain, so I avoid it at all costs, but I'd have to say burns are the worst for me. I've gotten some real doozies, like the time I first tried to grill pizza without proper flipping tools. I'm surprised I don't have a scar.

Jen said...

The birth of my daughter was 100% natural and it wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be. My tattoo (which I got when I was 17) didn't hurt at all.

I think 'dry heaves' hurt the most. That feeling of desparately needing to throw-up but being completely unable to. Torture!

Lola said...

Hmmmmm Two ten plus pound babies and back labour before the epidural and the souvenir of a broken tailbone from one birth aside has left me with a higher pain tolerance than I ever thought possible-
*as someone always afraid of needles, I sat for my first tattoo two years ago and it wasn't too bad....
*a really, really broken heart from the death of a loved one hurts-physically...sigh
*having your jaw moved thru various procedures and therapies (size 8 to size 2 during treatment and i was not meant to be a size 2 as I am almost 5 ft 10)
*tearing ligament and tendon and taking bone pieces along with it, from your ankle is really, really painful

Jen said...

Oh and you totally have me singing John Cougar!

Chelle said...

Honestly, back labor with Madelyn with NO epidural was the worst. pain. of. my. life.

But totally worth it and such a rush afterwards!

But after that? Biting my tongue, Brazilian, busting my chin open, stubbing my toe...omg, I sound like such a clumsy girl!! Haha!

Nap Warden said...

I didn't think the epidural was that bad...perhaps I got lucky...twice;)

High on my list...heels, I need to find some heels that look smoking and don't hurt my feet. I'm a wuss, I know:P

Elisa, The Unlikely Housewife said...

LOL Lou, I hope you don't think I'm mean for laughing at your pain, but these are so spot-on! And the car lighter on the nose? That's hilarious :-D (thought I'm sure it wasn't at the time, poor Lou)

The worst pain? Seeing how I *really* look in that dress I've been lusting after. Ouch.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Bar none, breaking your tailbone. Hurts, hurts!!!!

Jane @ Decormamma said...

Oh your never too old for a second tatoo! Go for it...you know you want too! I've never had a Brazilian bikini wax...I would be scard to death! And stepping on lego's is soooo darn painful it's rediculous! Thankfully my kids are older...I don't have that hazard anymore. But I remember when...

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