Ah, summer... the beautiful, glorious days and nights of summer!
The season of soccer games and visits to the park has officially begun. Bike rides, long walks, picnics, family vacations, swimming all day, ice cream and BBQ's. No wonder the television stays turned off during the summer months. There is just way too much going on outside -who wants to be indoors, anyway?
But. Before we fully embrace summer, there is one agonizing rite of passage we all have to go through.
It's painful. It's stressful. It's annoying. It makes us feel angry and hurt. It gets our hearts racing, and makes our blood pressure reach a dangerous level. We have a hard time falling asleep afterwards, and we may or may not have a few disturbing dreams.
Usually, we survive with a drink in hand, a few air punches, and several curse words. Hair pulling is optional, too, and the 'covering your eyes with the nearest pillow' usually happens once or twice during this ordeal.
The following can often be overheard in any given suburban home right about NOW:
"OH MY GOD! NO.... OH, MY GOD!"
"What? Did that just really happen? There is no way. THERE IS NO FREAKING WAY!"
"HOLY SHIT! This is unreal. How dare they. How DARE they! This can't be..."
"Huh. I did NOT see that one coming."
"Is he dead? Is he dead? Is he dead? NO. Please, no. Please, please, no."
"I cannot BELIEVE I have to wait until September! September! to find out what will happen to her/him/them. That is NOT FAIR! I can't stand this!"
"Oh no! Oh no! Chuck! Why couldn't Jenny have just jumped off the train? Oh, no... no, no, no... that stupid little..."
"WHAT WHY WHAT WHY really? OH, my GOD! How could he! What was he THINKING?"
And, as we can all remember vividly from last year:
"WHAT THE F! George! It's GEORGE! NOOOOOOOO.... Is Izzy dead? Poor Alex! Is George dead? What just happened in that elevator? Are they BOTH dead? NO freaking way Shondra Rhimes! NO WAY I HAVE TO WAIT A FEW MONTHS!!!!! TO SEE WHO IS DEAD!"
And, watching certain shows: (*ahem Desperate Housevives ahem*)
"Huh? That was it? Really? That sucked. Oh well. At least I got to enjoy my caramel Aero McFlurry. Thanks hubby."
Yes, friends. I'm talking about the dreaded season finale. The only thing worse than a season finale you are dying to see, yet so terribly NOT wanting to see, is a series finale. And we all know that LOST is coming to an end. And even though I've never really gotten into LOST, (hello... I'm totally lost!) I feel your pain. Because I have a feeling one of two things will happen with the series finale:
1. It was all a dream.
2. You'll still be left really confused, and you'll have nowhere to turn to except your wine.
Well, I'm here to offer you all a place to come and cry, to scream, to curse. Let it all out. Your series and season finale stresses now have a place to go. Let's talk about it. What pissed you off? What show are you not looking forward to seeing the finale of?
What will happen on Glee?
Who will win Dancing With the Stars?
It's okay. I'm here for you. I feel your pain. In fact, I'm already having palpitations thinking about the season finale of Grey's tomorrow night. A pregnant Meredith. A shooter on the loose in the hospital. This can't end well, folks.
I need more wine.