I have been thinking long and hard about Day 5 of the 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. It's been the hardest one for me to write so far (wait—don't I say that every time?) which caused me some panic because if I don't know what I hope to do in my life, then clearly I'm lacking direction of some sort.
(Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4)
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
I know what some of the things I want to do in my life are. I consider these things pretty attainable and I know if I really wanted these things to happen, I could make them happen. All it takes is drive and perseverance.
- Get a job in the media world again—in radio, print or television.
- Publish a parenting book and a children's book and keep on writing.
- Get enough stamps in my passport so I need extra pages—travel extensively.
- Buy a house in Miami. Wake up to the sound and smell of the ocean.
- See Formula 1 in Monaco.
- Quit smoking for more than one year —become a true non-smoker.
- Cry tears of joy at my children's weddings.
- Hold my grandchildren in my arms and kiss their soft baby skin.
- Become a billionaire. (Or a millionaire!)
Those are the little things I want to happen in my life, God willing. But those things don't seem like anything truly substantive, or 'life changing'. They are just things that I know will eventually happen, if I want them to happen badly enough and if I'm lucky.
I guess the main thing I hope to do in my life is to become an adult and grow up. Sure, I consider myself a great mom. I've been through so much with my children, especially with my oldest son, and it has definitely aged me and made me stronger, older. I'm not completely irresponsible. I'm also not completely independent either. I'm not talking about learning how to pay the bills or do all the cooking, because when I have to do those things, I can, I do, and I will.
What I mean is, I want to be able to start making decisions for myself. Without having to ask other people for direction or guidance. Without having to worry about what other people will think if I say the 'wrong' thing, or if I choose the 'other' option. I need to stand up for myself more. I need to go with my gut feelings and put myself first. I need to let go of the guilt. I need to worry less. I hope I'm able to be a stronger person, a person who is more sure of herself, and a person who isn't so afraid of stepping outside of her comfort zone.