Sunday, October 17, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 6

What do you hope to never have to do? It's time for Day 6 of the 30 Days of Truth writing prompts.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

There are tons of things I hope to never have to do. Of course, having to say goodbye to my loved ones tops that list, and just the thought of anyone close to me passing away is a topic so scary I can't even talk about. I hope to never have to deal with the sadness that comes with death, even though I've dealt with it before. I know this is a part of life, but it's a part that I am most afraid of.

I hope to never be in very uncomfortable situations. I never want to be in a plane crash. I never want to consider sushi a favourite food. I never want to play dodgeball again, and I never want to be on Jeopardy because I was once on the Greek version of that show, at my community centre, and OMG, did I ever SUCK. (My dad was all, "You'll do great!" My mom was all, "Loukia, you'll do HORRIBLE. How embarrassing! You won't even get one answer right! OMG, I am not even going to come see you!")

Ahem. Anyway.

The one thing I hoped to never do was to experience seeing one of my children sick and in pain. Besides death, I think there is nothing worse than having to see your child suffer. My worst nightmare came true.

When I was pregnant, I worried so much about losing my unborn child. I thought, 'If I can make it to twelve weeks, I'll be okay. The worry will go away.' However, week 12 came and went, and as as my belly grew, so did my worry. Little did I know then that the worry I had when I first found out I was pregnant would be everlasting. And it would get worse.

My oldest son suffered a few bad kidney infections when was very young. At 12 weeks old, he was admitted to the children's hospital and he stayed, with me by his side, for two weeks. To see my baby with an IV in him, and to watch him endure countless numbers of ultrasounds, was something I never thought would happen to me, to my child. I hoped to never have to see my child in pain. But I did. He missed his first Halloween.

At 6 months old, he got another infection, but this time our hospital stay was only 5 days. I was a little stronger, but still. The worry. Knowing that what he had was treatable made it bearable. I knew we would be going home. And I knew, speaking to his doctor, that the worst case scenario would be surgery. We could deal with that, I thought then.

At 3 years old, a few days before Halloween, my son got a very bad cold. I was frozen when his doctor told me he had pneumonia. I didn't think it was possible for children to get pneumonia. His illness resulted in a two week hospital stay. In isolation. When things took a turn for the worse, he needed surgery to drain fluid from his lung. I never thought I'd see my child be put to sleep for surgery, for an operation of his lung. God knows how I survived that day and the days that followed, family by our side. Oxygen masks, morphine, the beeping of the machines, rushing to find his nurse whenever I got worried, and trying to comfort my sick child. These days were the hardest of my life. Seeing other precious children sick on the same floor was also unbearable. The smell of Purell now only reminds me of his hospital stay. I know I'll never forget, even the smallest details, of those days. The entire experiece was something I hoped to never have to do - to see my child in pain.

Everything else I hope to never have to do in my life doesn't seem so awful, after that.

14 comments:

Avitable said...

What if you were in a plane crash and survived, but you had to make sushi your favorite food?

I'm sorry that you've had to do something you never wanted to do before. Now you know it's survivable, and you can do anything, even if it sounds like it might be scary!

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

That sounds horrible. I agree with you that death or sickness of a child or another loved one is really the top of the list of things I don't ever want to go through.

Lisa said...

Aw, I hear ya sister. A sick child...nothing worse. Gotta say tho, the Greek Jeopardy thing....LMAO! xo

bdogmama said...

It is amazing how hospital stays put things in perspective.

For me, it was *me* who had a health crisis right after my baby was born. Being away from him was harder than being sick.

What a brave and strong mama you are for everything you've been through. Here's hoping for lots of health for your family.

blueviolet said...

I worry about some of those same things and I try not to but it's hard. When you love someone, you do worry!

Nenette AM said...

Oh, hon, Jeopardy?! :) And you must love sushi! You must!

And yes, as a fellow mom, your fears are mine as well. But you were strong for your kids, and if I ever had to go through something similar, I hope could be just as strong.

xo

Lady Mama said...

I truly think there must be nothing worse than seeing your child in pain. And I'm terribly scared of death too. But sushi? How can you not like sushi!?!

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

I can really, really relate to everything you said here. But I guess Adam does have point - after all, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Even if it's scary you made it through.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

You said it. Watching our children sick is the hardest thing ever, isn't it? And? I totally hope to never count sushi as a favorite food either!

Sarah at The Stroller Ballet said...

That is one of the things I fear the most - the illness of a little one. It sounds like you got through this difficult situation, though, and are a stronger person for it!
By the way, I would be terrible at Jeopardy - any version - as well! LOL

rachel... said...

About a year ago, my (then) 1 year old daughter caught a cold and took a turn for the worse. She, too, was diagnosed with pneumonia and was hospitalized for 5 days. What a horrible experience on so many many levels. Thank goodness she didn't need surgery.

You're a wondeful mom, Loukia. Glad your sweet little boy is in better health now.

Kat said...

My sister died when she was nine (I wasn't born yet) and I can not imagine the pain. I hope I never have to deal with that. It is my biggest fear.
The second is dealing with a sick child. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

BusyDad said...

As a new dad to a 5 month old, all these fears have bubbled up once again. My other kid is 8 and he can express what's ailing him, so we can get him treatment at least. With a baby, I'm always checking her breathing, listening for wheezes, interpreting every cry (is it pain, is it frustration, is it a disease?). Little ones are so helpless and it makes you in turn feel even more helpless.

Sorry you went thru all that and I'm glad it's all well and good now. Bracing myself for the first bout of flu...

Mommyfriend Lori said...

Time stands still in the hospital with your child, it changes you like nothing else can.

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