Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I carried a watermelon, and then I cried.

You know when you hear news so shocking you're left reeling in disbelief? And you're so shocked, you don't know what to do? I've experienced this type of shock many times before. So many times, I can't even tell you. In real life situations, and in stories I read about about in the news. Of course, nothing sucks as bad as when it happens in real life, and you're left gasping for air, as if the wind has been knocked out of you.

I was shocked when I found out that Ben Johnson lost his gold medal in the 1988 Calgary Olympics because he was taking steroids. I was listening to the radio in my parents bedroom when I heard the news. For some reason, the story really affected me. It was hard enough for Canada to even get a gold medal in the summer Olympics, to have it taken away from us seemed so wrong.

Of course, there is also shock on a much larger scale, like BIG shock, shock you don't really get over, shock that affects the entire world, like the Challenger disaster, Columbine, 9/11, the 2004 tsunami, and, on a lesser scale, but still shock-worthy, nonetheless, the death of Princess Diana and JFK, and finding out Casey Anthony was found not guilty. Oh, and OJ, too. I could go on forever, but I'll stop there.

There is also shock in the entertainment world. Like finding out the truth about Milli Vanilli. And discovering that Nick and Jessica were breaking up. My best friend called me long distance to break the news to me, and at first, I didn't believe her. Sadly, it was true, and no, I'm still not 'over' Nick and Jessica breaking up. I like to think that one day, one day, they'll get back together again? Maybe?

The most recent shocking news I heard was that 'they' were going to remake Dirty Dancing. Dirty Dancing coming back to the big screen? I can't even... this news just... it's so wrong. It's just so wrong.





Kenny Ortega, who choreographed the original film, will direct the remake. This doesn't sit well with me, even though he played a huge role in the original film. I mean, he also played a role in High School Musical, okay? And while it's a cute movie with teenagers dancing and singing, it's no Dirty Dancing. And I fear that the new Dirty Dancing will be more High School Musical than it should be. It's just a really, really bad idea to try to make Dirty Dancing again. Are you listening, Kenny?

Who will play Baby? Jennifer Grey was an unknown actress in 1987, a fresh face on the big screen. She was Baby.

That was the summer of 1963 - when everybody called me Baby, and it didn't occur to me to mind. That was before President Kennedy was shot, before the Beatles came, when I couldn't wait to join the Peace Corps, and I thought I'd never find a guy as great as my dad. That was the summer we went to Kellerman's.

And please don't get me started on who could possibly play the role of Johnny Castle. NO ONE can replace Patrick Swayze... NO ONE.


Nobody puts Baby in a corner. *swoon*

No one can dance like Patrick Swayze, yet still be such a... man. You know? He was sexy. He was cute. He could dance.

Dirty Dancing is one of my all-time favourite movies. Some movies should never be remade—like Stand By Me, Goodfellas, The Breakfast Club, Gone With The Wind and Ferris Beuller's Day Off. These movies fall in a category called 'untouchable'. Don't mess with a good thing. There is no need to see these movies made again, when they were so perfect the first time.

Rumors are now swirling about who will play Baby and Johnny in the new film.

Here are the names being considered to play the role of Baby:

Lea Michele.
Miley Cyrus.
Demi Lovato.
Selena Gomez.
Taylor Swift.
Ashley Tisdale.

No. No. No. No. No and um... No. Since when was Dirty Dancing a musical? There is no need to cast a teeny-bopper singer! Baby doesn't sing! She dances! And she's not 15!


And Johnny?

Justin Timberlake.
Justin Bieber.
Zac Efron.
Ryan Gosling.
James Franco.

Sob. Really, Justin Bieber? Oh yes... he just screams Johnny Castle to me!


And... Zac Efron? NO! He's a pretty boy who is just... not right for this movie. James Franco could have been a 'hmmm...' but then he hosted the Oscars and his image was tarnished forever.

Ryan Gosling is a great actor, and Canadian, too, like the Biebs, but still... can he replace Patrick Swayze? I don't know. I don't think so...


Justin Timberlake? No. There is no Johnny Castle in Mr. I'm-bringing-sexy-back.

I read that George Clooney was in talks to play the role of Baby's dad, Dr. Houseman. (He can totally channel his old E.R. days, and play a doctor again!) This makes me feel old, but anyway. I'd be down with that. Clooney in any movie is never a bad thing. Alec Baldwin and Jon Hamm are also names that have been mentioned for the role of Dr. Houseman. Okay, and okay.
I heard that Blake Lively might play the role of Penny. She's tall and lean and gorgeous, like the original Penny, so I don't see this as an awkward fit at all.

But still, you guys. A remake of Dirty Dancing is NOT OKAY. It is absurd! And wrong! And will fail terribly at the box office!

Are you with me?

18 comments:

Michelle said...

I am SO with you. A month or so ago I wrote about the abomination of the Footloose re-make and seriously this falls into the same category. What's next, Sixteen Candles??

Nicole said...

If they remake it with Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber I think I might cry a river of tears. I agree with you. It's a horrendous thought.

Angella said...

It's just not right. Argh.

Avitable said...

It's like the Footloose remake. Nothing can recapture that cheesy 80s magic.

Jan said...

I totally agree that they shouldn't remake this movie. Dirty Dancing is my favourite movie of all time. It's sacred.

Kathryn said...

I'm with you. If people want to see Dirty Dancing ...they should just watch the original!!! This is making me want to go find my dvd and watch it again.

Lindsay said...

I am *totally* with you! This is a travesty! Seriously! Justin Bieber? ::snort::. Not. Even. Close.

dorisdays said...

I don't know... I kinda like Ryan Gosling.

Nolie said...

WRONG WRONG WRONG AND WRONG!!

Dirty Dancing is a classic and should not be remade.

the mama bird diaries said...

You're right. The original is so good. And I'm still not over that Milli Vanilli news.

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I have never felt so old as I do now with all these movies remakes - Total Recall, Footloose, and now Dirty Dancing. Oy.

Jen said...

True story: I watched the trailer for the Footloose remake today and almost cried. STOP ruining good movies!

Issas Crazy World said...

I'm with you 100%. However? I'm still not over the remake of Footloose. It's wrong and I will refuse to watch it. I don't even care whose in it.

Bees With Honey said...

I agree with you. You cannot remake Dirty Dancing. Just leave it be, I say!

Nenette AM said...

Frankly, I don't understand why ANY of these movies are being remade! I agree with you, Lou... IT. IS. WRONG.

Those movies are foundations of our youth. Let the new generation enjoy THOSE movies, not *updated* versions of those movies.

Next thing you know, they'll be remaking 16 Candles, or The Breakfast Club, or Ferris Bueller's Day Off!

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

mommyfriend said...

I'm so with you! Come up with new material and leave the classics alone!

Healthy Mom Project said...

Yes yes and yes. With you. So so wrong. Wild horses and naked men couldn't drag me to see it.

Karen Sugarpants said...

I'm totally with you. Equally shocking (and awful)? Is that they are also remaking FOOTLOOSE! Nooooooooooooo!!!!!

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