Thursday, March 8, 2012

Fear 2.0

I have major fears.

Things that used to mildy scare me now completely freak me out.

I used to ski all the time, and even though I was always scared of crashing into a tree and dying, I did it. I liked the ski outfits, goggles, and hanging out in the chalet, okay? And actually, I liked skiing, too, even though once I accidentally made a wrong turn down a double black diamond hill. It took me all day to get down that hill on my behind, but I did it.

I went white water rafting when the rapids were at a level 4, and although at first I didn't even know I'd get wet once I was in the boat (ha!) I did it, and even fell OUT of the boat twice, but I did it, and I won the prize for "most entertaining" afterwards.

I went snow tubing, for crying out loud, when I was 19. I sat in an inner tube and propelled down an icy steep ski hill at top speed. I'm pretty sure I had a mild heart attack that night, but I don't remember because I drank so much afterwards so as to numb my state of fear. But, I did it. And now? I'd never. Ever. Sit in an inner tube again.

I got lost driving in Inglewood (Inglewood, Inglewood, always up to no good..) when I was in L.A. but hey, I didn't get shot, and I even made my friend take a picture of my "Oh, my God, I'm lost in Ingleewood what what" face to have as a memory. Remind me to show you one day.

I survived almost getting kidnapped in a taxi in Greece one summer, rode a jet ski in the middle of the Mediterranean sea and survived a strange man playing with my hair on the subway at 5 a.m. after a night of partying in Queen's, New York, one weekend.

Now that I'm a mom the fear I have is on a whole other level.

However, the fear of snow tubing or white water rafting doesn't have to exist for me anymore because I'm unlikely to do these types of activities again. No, I'm a responsible mom now, (for the most part) and I won't put myself in these types of situations anymore.

I can control whether or not I sit in an inner tube again, but you know what I cannot control?

All the other things that scare me to death.

You know, things like the end of the world.

There's also something else that scares me. Solar storms. And today, we're getting hit hard.

"The largest solar storm in five years is racing toward Earth, threatening to unleash a torrent of charged particles that could disrupt power grids, GPS and airplane flights." No, CBC News, that didn't freak me out at all.

Actually, yeah, it did. What the what is happening today?

"The sun erupted Tuesday evening, and the effects should start smacking Earth between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. EST Thursday, according to forecasters at the federal government's Space Weather Prediction Center. They say the storm, which started with a massive solar flare, is growing as it speeds outward from the sun."

Okay, so?

It's a big event, the experts say, but not like, extreme. So, we have nothing to worry about, right? Except for the fact that, as one NASA solar physicist said, "It could give us a bit of a jolt."

In 1989, six million people in Quebec (that's like, my backyard) lost power after a solar storm knocked out the power grid. I will completely lose my mind if we lose power tonight.

And there could be GPS outages, so good luck to those of us who always get lost.

There could also be communication problems and added radiation around the north and south poles, which is forcing airlines to reroute flights. Thank GOD I am not boarding a plane today, because oh my goodness, you wouldn't want to be sitting next to me, even in my Ativan state.

No matter what happens today, know that I love you and also? Thank God for our iphones. Those will still work, right?

21 comments:

harriet glynn said...

Agree! That piece of news is terrifying because we have NO CONTROL over the outcome, and frankly, I like at least a little control.

Barring that, actually skiing is not something I do without thinking twice anymore :( Fear of injury looms large these days.

Dianne (smilenwaven) said...

The hardest thing is TRYING not to pass your fears to your kids.... not always easy!

Corine (@ComplicatedMama) said...

I feel like ever since I became a mom my fears and anxiety just grows and grows. Its terrible and trying to not let the kids see it scares you is the hardest part. "End of the world? Oh, honey- they've been saying that for years. It's never going to happen" .... {Deep breaths,deep breaths}

Loukia said...

Oh, exactly, me too. Everything is more scary since I became a mom! And being all brave and trying to look not worried in front of the kids is difficult.

Loukia said...

So true, and something I struggle with!

Loukia said...

That is why I have a fear of flying, too - no control!

sharon said...

I know this is about your fears and I should be sympathetic but, dear gawd woman, you make me laugh. Also, you so need to post that picture.

Paula Schuck said...

My daughter is fearful and anxious despite my best efforts to not make her a worrywart. My mom also is a big worrier. I hate that they both worry so much. It saddens me. The solar storm well I think it is kind of neat. I don't give any credence to the thought of end of the earth. I worry, but I worry differently than I used to. I worry my ygst with special needs will never have the support she needs at school. I worry my mom, newly diagnosed with Alzheimer's will get lost one day. I worry we can't pay the bills. My worries are different, and I very
Much understand this post.
@inkscrblr
Paula

Issas Crazy World said...

For me it's a fear of not having control. Somehow if I have control, nothing bad will happen? Illogical I know, but I feel that way.

Lorette said...

Anxiety and fears can be crippling sometimes. Trying to learn how to control what we can control and give up the worrying about the things we cannot is not easy.
Biofeedback and yoga has helped me...but have to admit I still struggle at times and I am now a grandmother.

writewrds said...

I understand this. I have spent a lot of time feeling like I'm tied to train tracks, hearing the choo choo choo of a train coming closer and closer... : )
I think the anxiety is about control and wanting everything to be okay for our families and people we love.
I say, (since in all honestly we're not in control and what will happen will happen), we should enjoy the day and live large. Hope you have a good one!

alimartell said...

What the what? I have never heard of a solar storm....but now that I have looked them up, I think they are kind of cool. (Does that make me crazy?)

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You are so funny! This is where I benefit from being borderline clueless with a teenager's sense of invincibility. I heard all about this, but it's barely been on my radar today! That said - you couldn't pay me to go white water rafting. I hate feeling out of control - I can't even do roller coasters.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

Oh my gosh, I'm glad I didn't hear about that!

Marinka said...

I can so relate. I'm really worried my BlackBerry won't work!

designHER Momma said...

my checkbook has been missing for 5 days, seriously can't find it.

Last night I dreamed about finding it in a garbage bag, on my college campus.

I worry about the craziest things.

Thanks for the laugh...

ps, can't wait for NYC. You will be there this summer, right?

Lady Mama said...

The solar system thing didn't get to me too much (because I feel like it's almost too big to worry about if that makes sense) but I totally get what you mean about the fears. Since becoming a mom my fears have grown huge. I guess it's because now I have a lot more to lose. Back then when I was happy to live closer to the edge it was just me. Now there's so much at stake. I think accepting that not everything is within your control helps a little.

Loukia said...

I totally will, Sharon! Or, at least, show you!

Loukia said...

Emily, yes, I'll be in NYC! Pauline and I were talking about a Gansevoort reunion... :)

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

Hey girl! You've been tagged :-)

lauderdale said...

Though fear can be a stumbling block for so many people, its great to see someone grasping it by its neck! Imagine if you listened to fear how little we would learn.

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