Friday, October 26, 2012

Unspeakable Horror

I didn't sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning, checking on my children, kissing them, convering them with their blankets, tossing and turning some more, and wiping away my tears.

The horrific nightmare of a story that happening yesterday in New York City is something I cannot stop thinking about, no matter how hard I try. I've been sick to my stomach, thinking about this mother, her poor little children, and her surviving child. I cannot imagine—yet, I can—the pain, the grief, the questions, the living nightmare this family now has to live through, every day that remains of their lives. A perfectly beautiful family, shattered, torn apart, in the blink of an eye, in a horror story come to life. Some stories haunt me and stay with me forever. This is one of them.

When you become a  mom, life changes so drastically, so suddenly, in a million different ways. The emotions and feelings we experience once we enter the world of motherhood is like nothing else. No one can prepare you for the love you will feel for your children, once they are born and placed in your arms. And no one can prepare you for how your heart can break and bleed for another mother who is suffering through the most unreal tragedy.

Many of my friends, many people I've talked to today, are reminding me to think about something else, to try to forget, to say a prayer, and to carry on. Yes, I'm sure all of this is healthy advice, but I just cannot, right now, let this go. I think we should be able to feel, to cry, and to ask the questions (that will never be answered) at times like this.

At the very least, we are able to put things in persective.

At the very least, we are reminded how fragile life is.


Nothing good can come from a tragdy like this. We've all read the story. I'm sure you've cried, like I have, I'm sure you've tried to see if there is a way the outcome could be changed, like the a Choose Your Own Adventure book, where you can pick the ending you want. We can put ourselves in the mother's shoes, and feel her pain, ever so slightly. What she is going through today, the visions she is seeing, the love inside her, her questions, and the strength that she'll have find from inside to carry on for her daughter... it's all too much, really. It is the saddest, more horrific story I've read in a very long time. Tragedy is everywhere. My God, though... innocent, perfect children, to be taken like this, in such a violent way? There is no reason. None at all.

As a mother, my heart is bleeding today. All my love and prayers, whatever they can do, are being sent to this mother and to her children today.

14 comments:

Marinka said...

I can't stop thinking about this story. Those poor children, that poor family. My heart is breaking and my head can't make sense of this.

Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments said...

I can't even imagine... I don't want to imagine...

Stephanie said...

Just heart breaking...

Momo Fali said...

It is unbearable to think of what that mother is going through.

Avitable said...

It's a terrible story. This is why I don't read the news.

alimartell said...

No words. None. I have none.

Anna See said...

Heart is breaking even more.... xo

Elaine A. said...

I just cannot imagine finding my children like that. I don't think I would want to continue to live. And that poor little girl who is left without her brother and sister. I think my heart breaks for her the most.

Absolutely heartbreaking, all of it.

Erica said...

Yes Im am with you...Im so sick over this and one other tragedy i read about this week,.......as a mom I cant even imagine such a horrible thing happening. My heart is just breaking for her :(

NicNacManiac said...

What the heck is happening to this world, I cannot get this out of my mind either...horrific, tragic and unbearably sad!

Japolina said...

I can't stop thinking about it either.

Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel said...

You have written so beautifully, so poignantly about such a horrific event. I cannot even comprehend how anyone could keep going after losing a child. And in this way is beyond words. I have hugged my boys a little tighter today and felt so thankful they were home and safe.

Angella said...

So, so sad.

MsManufaction said...

You said it so well what some of what us cannot put down in words. It is such a horrific story! I live completely on the other side of the US, but have realized a few of my friends actually know the family. It is so difficult to get the story out of my mind and even grasp what the family is going through. Being a mother of two little boys I can't even imagine. It really breaks my heart.

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