I didn't sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning, checking on my children, kissing them, convering them with their blankets, tossing and turning some more, and wiping away my tears.
The horrific nightmare of a story that happening yesterday in New York City is something I cannot stop thinking about, no matter how hard I try. I've been sick to my stomach, thinking about this mother, her poor little children, and her surviving child. I cannot imagine—yet, I can—the pain, the grief, the questions, the living nightmare this family now has to live through, every day that remains of their lives. A perfectly beautiful family, shattered, torn apart, in the blink of an eye, in a horror story come to life. Some stories haunt me and stay with me forever. This is one of them.
When you become a mom, life changes so drastically, so suddenly, in a million different ways. The emotions and feelings we experience once we enter the world of motherhood is like nothing else. No one can prepare you for the love you will feel for your children, once they are born and placed in your arms. And no one can prepare you for how your heart can break and bleed for another mother who is suffering through the most unreal tragedy.
Many of my friends, many people I've talked to today, are reminding me to think about something else, to try to forget, to say a prayer, and to carry on. Yes, I'm sure all of this is healthy advice, but I just cannot, right now, let this go. I think we should be able to feel, to cry, and to ask the questions (that will never be answered) at times like this.
At the very least, we are able to put things in persective.
At the very least, we are reminded how fragile life is.
Nothing good can come from a tragdy like this. We've all read the story. I'm sure you've cried, like I have, I'm sure you've tried to see if there is a way the outcome could be changed, like the a Choose Your Own Adventure book, where you can pick the ending you want. We can put ourselves in the mother's shoes, and feel her pain, ever so slightly. What she is going through today, the visions she is seeing, the love inside her, her questions, and the strength that she'll have find from inside to carry on for her daughter... it's all too much, really. It is the saddest, more horrific story I've read in a very long time. Tragedy is everywhere. My God, though... innocent, perfect children, to be taken like this, in such a violent way? There is no reason. None at all.
As a mother, my heart is bleeding today. All my love and prayers, whatever they can do, are being sent to this mother and to her children today.